Rants & Mental Health Blog

  I had a therapist video visit,  My therapist was making assumptions and assuming there was more drama in my life than there was.  My therapist found it rude that a guy said "nice titties" to me at the bus station,  I had been halluncinating Tesla cars accompanying me to urgent care when I really didn't need it.

 I had a video visit with my psychiatrist. I told her about me  running out of food stamps spending money on postcard credits being anxious in crowds I also told her  I been walking slowly (other people have commentated like my dad) the hydroxyzine that ER prescribed was helpful, so she prescribed a lower dose so I can try and take in daytime and not get sleepy. I get waves of anxiety that prozac I don't think helps.  She said to create a shopping list and to shop at Food Lion.  Target was more expensive according to her.  I liked the Target near me because it had my favorite soda - Olipop vintage cola.

  I felt like Tim's mom treated him like a baby.  I wanted to treat Tim like an adult which he was (he was 59 years old).   An example of this was I didn't like being told what to do and asked to do stuff by stuff by my adult "son".  I felt like Tim treated me like a servant which is scary because he calls me his only friend.  I felt like friends hanged out together doing stuff, not being bossed around.

I had a therapist video visit.  I told him that  Tim had died working in crowds been making me anxious anxiety been making me halluncinate sometimes Pokemon didn't have new movie (no new movie were being promoted on official social media accounts) Best Crowd Management paid good wages ($17 an hour), and I been with the company for a year now.  I was normally assigned football games but usually worked bathrooms which aren't as crowded.  They did away that position this season, so I am in a crowded stadium.  It didn't help that I didn't know the layout of the stadium.

 I halluncinated 12 times last month (August) which is less than amount I halluncinated in July (15).   I took lyft and been in ER recently because my anxiety was worse.  I may have mentioned this earlier but I was being anxious in crowds.  I was orginally by bathrooms last season, so it wasn't that crowded there. I felt like I was being anxious around Phillip because I warned him about seat belts and turn signal (safety reason).  I think I have poor impulse control because I tended to spend money.  I wanted to send friend, Kelsey, and an acquintance postcards, so spent $25 in credits.  I maxed out credit card in past and always run out of food stamps. I was going to pharmacy yesterday, so I halluncinated cars to follow me to pharmacy.  I forgot yesterday was Labor Day, so pharmacy was closed.  I picked it up today instead.

I felt like phillip was nosey. When I said I was going to load some money onto my card this past Friday, he wanted to know what I was going to spend it on. I told him "bills". Phillip was in his car wandering where I was coming from today. I responded "why? I didn't even ask for a ride." My life was basically going to doctor visits, grocery shopping, using wifi at library and going to journal & scrapbook at library, and picking up prescriptions. I didn't get invited to parties, and my two friends live in New York state. My life is boring. My social media posts don't get lots of views and likes. My last couple videos recapping my life got 1 to 2 views and typically less than 100 views. He assumed I was a concession worker and found concessions glamorous because the frat brothers he knew were paid $16 an hour for concessions. The concessions company that hired me paid minimum wage ($7.25 an hour) and paid even less when actually serving guests...